So I think it’s about time to reveal to the world my brilliant plan of devastation and disaster. In the final days of November I will be on my way east. How far east you ask?? Far enough for me to have a real adventure. I’m leaving Colorado not to return until I make something of myself or find out that I never will. I’m going with no job lined up, a house/apartment in the works and knowing only one other person. I’m hella excited!!! I’ll be starting a new life adventure, make new friends, and hopefully finding the job that gets me to the somewhere I want to be. Who knows where that is any more but where I’m going will shove me in one of the two directions I’ve been heading for and both places will make me happy. And both will give me something to work toward for the rest of my life. I think I may even die happy there. That would be nice. Beautiful Scenery and everything is so damned close that I’ll never get bored traveling, so much to see!!! HUZZAH TO THE NEW ADVENTURE!!!
I will miss everyone here but it’s definitely something I need to do for me.

I’M HAVING A BABY NIECE!!!!!!!! TODAY!!! RIGHT NOW!!!! HUZZAH!!!!

Well dear bloggers it appears my love has been removed from YouTube. I was excited to show you all the fabulous things that happened on So You Think You Can Dance but it appears that if you did not watch it you won’t get the replay here. Sorry all, it was tremendous believe me!!!

Recently I’ve found something to dote my attentions on. For the time we have together I’m glued to my love. Although aspects of my love tend to irritate and nothing ever changes when I make remarks I’m still faithful and loving. Here are a few highlights…

Fashionable


Drop dead fabulous


Slightly depressing now that it's all over.

When you live in a world you don’t understand most of the small things are lost on you, and a lot of the bigger things as well. The hidden meanings, the hints and the blatant smacks in the face are nowhere to be found. It’s the confusion of the world that creates the drama in our lives. Or maybe it’s the drama in our lives that makes the confusion in the world. What ever the final say is, I don’t get it. Why does everything have to be so hard? Or again is it just me making it hard?

The simplest questions like: Do you know what you want out of life? Do you know the next step? Are so difficult for me to answer, I’m where I am now because I can’t figure anything out. I wait for the world to smack me upside the head and say turn here! I’m sitting at an f’ing yield sign! And my head is screaming we don’t stop at yield signs!! A cautious slow is advised but never a full stop. What am I waiting for? The road to be clear and sunny and slightly breezy? I guess so be cause I’m not sure what the f is holding me back.

I’m once again plagued by a million questions and not one can I answer. Employment? Relationship? Location? It’s so hard to keep trudging on when you don’t know where you are.

Who am I?
Who am I supposed to be?

I figured out a lot about myself over the past year but I’m still at a loss for the small things. I still day dream too much, I still create my perfect life, but what have I done to achieve these things? Dream? That’s not an answer!!

This weekend was quite fabulous, I am slowly learning what a huge dork I am and how terribly small my world can get. Saturday was a bit of an early morning for me, one of my last treks to the Ren Faire before they are closed for the season. This time I brought one of my college friends who is a member of Amtgard. So he dressed out with me. It was loads of fun seeing all my friends at the Faire and having my world made just a bit smaller. Turns out my Brother-in-law is a lot more popular then he thinks. So many people know him, which means they know me. He puts it like they know me as “two broken legs and a broken wrist”. I love the over protective older brother it is funny. But true enough the minute I say I am his little sister they stare at their feet and say they can not talk to me. In the end it is a big joke and I have made a new friend for myself but it is also one step closer to me joining Amtgard as well. I am going to have to do some research and find out if I would actually fit in. Already have a name but a history is going to be a bit more difficult to come up with. I am sure in the end it will not be too difficult to come up with a fantastic history but it also has to be period, which means time for a bit of research. I am a huge dork!!!

I Love It!!!!

"There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden, or even your bathtub."
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

If a dream really is a wish your heart makes what happens when you’re too chicken shit to follow through? And what happens when you finally give in and it’s not what the other person wants? I know it can’t hurt that much in the end since I have disposable emotions, but the fear of rejection is an overwhelming fear for me and I don’t think I could handle someone saying to my face, we don’t have that kind of relationship and never will. Do all women, or people for that matter, have this fear?

I have this absolutely amazing friend whom I’ve platonically loved for years now. Well that loving friendship has changed… maybe just for me but I don’t know anymore. The mixed signals are killing me and I don’t know how to read any of them any more. Mixed signal conversations just drive me insane, I never know what to say and when someone on the outside questions the situation, I never answer first. But this time I may have gotten my answer by his reply… or did I. Was it just a cover up? Or am I reading too much into a situation that doesn’t exist. Why do I always make this so difficult? Why can’t he just take charge and tell me how it is? Am I really that terrifying?

In my dreams I keep replaying moments in our recent past that could have made dramatic changes in our lives if only I’d plucked up the courage to act. However, I’m the kind of girl who wants the man to take the initiative. He needs to make the first move, he needs to sweep me off my feet, he needs to take my breath away, and he needs to kiss me first. I know this all reverts to me being a princess but damn it, I deserve to be treated like a princess and have those special moments I’ve always wanted.

Why am I asking? Why does any person ask a question? TO GET A BLOODY ANSWER!!! Normally a question is asked when there is an uncertainty. In this case something is missing and I want it. Why do I want it? None of your bleeding business!!! But I want it and I’m going to ask questions till I get it. Is it that hard to just let me do my job in the peace of my back corner cube??? I didn’t think so!